Every nation passed laws to make everyone else to go back to where they came from.
No-one had thought this through.
Take the Americas, Caribbean and Australasia: floods of people, headed “home” to the continents from which their ancestors had travelled by choice or force. Only….great-great-grandpa was Irish and great-great-grandma was Italian so…. which country exactly?
The first nation peoples, left with their lands, wondered if their own ancestors had displaced others back in antiquity. If so, where had they travelled from to do so?
Britain, disunited, argued internally. Which was the definitive pre-union map? Were some of the Scots actually Norwegian? If so, should they go or stay? The Cornish wanted Cornwall to themselves and weren’t happy when the Bretons were sent back from France. Couldn’t Wales take them? On the other hand, if all the Anglo-Saxon and Viking descendants moved out of England then the Welsh, Cornish and Bretons could spread out. Only who was an Angle and who a Saxon? And where exactly did the Angles come from anyway? There? Really?
On mainland Europe, everyone thought they knew where everyone else should go, but most of the borders had changed more times than a politician’s promises. The oldest maps were from the Roman Empire, only…. who knew now which tribe they’d come from?
Much the same was true of Africa and Asia, confused by Imperialists’ self-serving lines in the sand.
Everyone THOUGHT they knew where they belonged. But it actually wasn’t that simple. Because nothing ever is.
Mass DNA detailed testing machines were created. What a surprise. No-one was 100% anything. Most weren’t even 50% anything.
Finally, the machines were adapted to teletransport everyone to the place where all evidence suggested MOST of their ancestors originated. Humans went in and disappeared to the place of their origin. No-one came back.
Finally it was our turn. I followed as my husband evaporated ahead of me.
I felt a fizzing sensation and then… I was in the most beautiful garden. Lions and lambs lay in the shade of trees by playful streams. I felt the sun on every inch of my body.
There were people everywhere. Every colour, every race and culture; all slightly baffled but at peace with each other. Nothing to indicate wealth or poverty.
I caught sight of my husband.
“Where are we?” I whispered.
He shrugged. As we stood there, a voice overhead said, “You all asked to go back to where your ancestors came from. So that’s what’s happened. This is Eden.”
The voice continued: “Well your choices were (according to three prevailing theories on the origin of man): Eden or a bit of desert or Mars. On balance I thought you’d all prefer Eden. So you’ll get some R&R, then you’re going straight back to where you were before you started this ridiculous exercise and learn how to get along. Or…” there was an ominous pause, “next time it’ll be Mars.”
Copyright 2016 by Paula Harmon. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission
7 thoughts on “Go Home!”
Brilliant Paula. Only you forgot one thing- the men were from Mars, the women from Venus. 😉
Does that mean the end of the world is nigh?
Well it’s not looking too good at the moment!
I’ve got Viking ancestry (a recent genetic condition says so) can I be repatriated ;)?
Well who could complain about fjords? Those pesky Vikings got everywhere didn’t they. I’ve never had a DNA test, but as I have Dublin ancestors and Dublin was a Viking settlement, no doubt we’re distant cousins!
It’s good to use creativity to say what needs saying!
Thank you. Yes. It just makes me furious and I know it does you too, because it’s so absurd.